Welcome to the Bea Arthur Quote Shrine, Making you laugh every second of the day. is there anything that you heard Bea say on Maude, The Golden Girls or any other show that you liked? well if there is, share it with the world. Just E-Mail me and I'll add it too this page |
(Rose is ordering a pizza)
Rose: Dorothy should we go nutritious and order whole wheat crust and low fat cheese?
Dorothy: No let's go high fibre and spread Ketchup on
cardboard.
Maude: God will get you for that!!!
Dorothy: I'm sure my mother wouldn't mind if i stayed
Sophia: Think again
Dorothy: I'd go outside but there doesn't seem to be any SHADY PINES for me to sit under
Sophia: Pillow Pussycat?
Blanche: I still haven't lost my hour glass figure
Dorothy: it seems as if someone added 90 minutes of extra sand in the glass.
Maude: I hope that stethescope gets stuck up your ears!!!
Maude: Vivian don't look up like that. Those little marks
from your face lift show.
(Dorothy is carrying a pizza box into the kitchen)
Rose: Whats for dinner Dorothy?
Dorothy: A bucket of Chicken Rose, I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.
Maude: That was a lovely speech Walter, Really lovely, remind me, when we have time to record it on tape so I can accidently erase it.
Dorothy: (to Rose) Listen Fluff head!!! why should I be in denial when I never said I was in denial, You said I was In denial and don't you deny it!!!
Stan: If I remember correctly we skipped the main course and rushed back to the hotel
Dorothy: If I remember correctly, we rushed back to the hotel because you had the runs from that cheap lunch you bought us.
Dorothy:....Later Stan had told me he had put my ring in the champagne glass, It turned up 3 days later
Rose: Where did it turn up Dorothy?
Dorothy: On the home shopping net work Rose.
Vera: Mame I never dated the same men you did
Mame: how about Carlo the sexy argentine, The one with the shoulders
Vera: I never dated Carlo, I married him, i NEVER dated him
Vera: Someones been sleeping in my dress!!!
Maude:(to Carol) And to think I used natural child birth because I couldn't wait to see you.
Blanche: So Dorothy tell us how was the sex?
Dorothy: we named it!!!
Blanche: if we are going to go on a romantic cruise we should bring along some pertection.
Rose: what kind of pertection?
Dorothy: 2 armed Guards
Maude (looking up talking to God) if you really do exsist get him soon!
Blanche: I can't beleive you said that, if i weren't a lady i'd deck you
Dorothy: You try i'll have you on your back so fast you'll think your out on a date!!
Customer: aren't you forgetting something?
Dorothy: Like what
Customer: aren't you going to say have a nice day
Dorothy: No, in the 45 minutes that i have served you, you complained about the food the coffee and the service. I don't care if you have a PULSE much less a nice day!
Sophia: I can't beleive I have a daughter who threw a priest out the door.
Dorothy: Ma you have realitives who trow priests out of windows!!
Dorthy: To Sophia) One word out of you and I cut off your supply of Metamucle.
Maude:(To Archie) Are you waiting for an invitation? I said Breakfast is on the table.
Archie: I heard ya, So did every other moose up in Canada
Maude: Look Archie I'm not going to let you upset me . I am only here Because of Edith, The fact you happen to be here with her is beyond my control like any other freak of nature...Now you can either come to the table and eat or you can lie there and feed off your own fat. And if you choose the latter you can probably lie there for months.
Dorothy: Sorry Stanly there are other vegitables i'd rather go out with.
Rose: I'm going to get to see the big potato!!!
Dorothy: I said she was comforting I didn't say she was smart.
Dorothy: I'll need someone to fasten my pearls.
Stan: The ones i got you
Dorothy: No sweetheart. The real ones
Dorothy: What is it now Stanley, Whoopie cusions for the hearing impared
Dorothy: Lucas and I did a little exparementing..
Rose: With what
Dorothy: Sulferdioxide Rose
Sophia: Dorothy your gonna send me to an early grave
Dorothy: too late Ma Goodnight
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